I feel like ranting, in a weird way, if you permit, and deleted the past post, feeling quite stupid for posting it. Tonight I feel tired, but slightly insomniac, so I might be up until dawn and til morning, getting my bones very soft. I'll probably go out later, when no one's around, the cloudy sky hiding the moon, about to cover me in my mischievous wanderings. I'll just finish this sweet potato and I'm off.

* * *

Okay I am back. And while I strolled outside, wearing nothing but my nightgown, and the bowl of sweet potatoes, it was quite... eerie. Yes, that's the word. The lamppost from outside works, but it seems to only light the place where it's stationed. The guard is asleep, the other is talking in a retarded way on his walkie-talkie.

This is why we get attempted robbery. Or robbed. Sleeping guards... Pff.

I don't get any farther than the end of the street (which isn't really far) because the darkness that loomed over the next streets and the grocery store across me (yes, I live near a grocery store) is terrifying, and I don't think I have the courage to walk over it. I have a little fear over darkness. I can't sleep without the nightlight on. Or sleep with the lights entirely off without my sister beside me. And I am sixteen. Oh gee, this is going to be hard.

So instead I headed back, slowly, back to the house. The cat mewed at me and I mew back. And then I mewed another one, this time scaring it. But it raised its tail and I knew I should leave or else suffer Mr. Whisker's mighty claws.

But then again, I didn't want to go inside-- the air inside the house seemed too thick to for my lungs, and I felt asthmatic. I sat on the edge of the gate-door, and pondered about the ants, and the moths, and the flies that were busy flirting with the lamppost above me.

Tonight I feel quite poetic. But I can never write a poem, as vain as I try.
Haikus, not even. I just draw. Or write a short story.
And here is the short story:

A girl of pale white ghosted down the room,
down the stairs,
and Out.

She pondered about the Stars, the Moon and wherever the Sun went.
Her brown eyes had Tears,
and she can't recall why,
but she looks up,
torn between joining the Stars
or to stay behind
and face Life's harsh decisions
and Life's whip-like hands.

But she threw a hand out,
with the Pawed friend by her side,
and vainly wished,
that she existed out of life,
out of bounds,
out and Beyond.

Her white silk dress tore by the ends,
thorns thrashed her skin, bleeding,
and she closed her eyes...

Feeling eternity,
feeling Hell and Heaven
understanding worldly chaos,
hearing whispers,
listening to voices,
seeing light,
seeing darkness.

Feeling Hollow.

This was how it felt to exist out of everything.
A piece of happiness,
a piece of joy,
a piece of everything,
and a piece of nothing.

A hollow skull.
A body without a beat.
No blood to run forth.

All Hell and Utopia together.

She opened her eyes to the dusky night,
skies sprinkled with glitter,
covered in a mast of darkness. Nothing can ever be more wonderful.
The Pawed friend vanishes from sight.
Probably to look for a place to sleep,
or probably thought her in retardation; she doesn't know.

A smile brims up her face, crying too at the same time.

She goes in,
the goes up,
then goes to her bed,
and dreamt of dreams...
And pure emptiness.

As you may have noticed, she is me.
Sometimes when all is quiet, a feeling evokes in my heart, and I have to write it down. A feeling of momentary happiness, a moment of pain, and a moment of nothing. An unexplainable feeling all brought together. If it has a name, I can't quite put a finger on it.

And tonight it did just that.