Since I am trying my hand at modeling, the first thing I noticed was, my body. I wasn't blessed with a skinny torso unlike my sister, who no matter how much she ate, she still had that 23-inch waistline. While me-- well let's keep that private...

And even if I don't eat much, my body doesn't change. I went to jog about 3 times a week (it only happened twice), but it only made my legs itch and numb. And then I tried doing sit-ups, but sometimes it gets the better of me, and I only do it when I feel like it. I hate it when I'm lazy.

Leaving my body-matter aside, I also watched FashionTV. I watched how the girls walked, posed, turn and flirt with the cameras. I shivered. Can I do that, too?

And I also noticed how anorexic they were; I hope not to be that thin. I want to leave some meat in my body, thankyouverymuch.

Given that I am also 'big' in size, and my sister is normal, it's pretty hard adjusting. The teasing, talking behind your back... Saying she's better and things... It doesn't help improve my self-esteem but then, I love my sister more than ever and I know we're two completely special individuals.

So what I am doing is, the 'less-of-everything-diet' and resisting the food lust; gluttony. It's quite hard since I like watching cooking shows, pastry, especially.

Right now I'm physically under construction-- and I truly hope that Christmas won't torture me very much. Ahh, chocolate! Why can't I live without you!

And to get my food-lust out of my system, I prayed. And since it was Sunday, and I attend no church, I made my own.

It was very lucky that my sisters went out, my brother out somewhere in his own world, and my parents weren't bugging me at that moment. so I locked the door, got Fibbi propped in a pillow, put the bible beside him, and just vented out how I felt.

And then I got the bible and read out passages to myself, asked myself questions, cried a little, talked aloud, and learned, basically. I was my own preacher. I was the learner. It felt good and lonely at the same time.

I decide to do this every Sunday, just to keep my faith intact, and because I feel cleansed everytime I do my 'Meetings with Him'.

I just hope that my sisters would decide to leave on Sunday mornings randomly; I just can't do it with a lot of people around.

May be too late, but happy Sunday everyone.